Ahh Summer…those carefree days of running through sprinklers, staying up late and roasting marshmallows, playing in the sand. These are the memories that come to mind from my childhood. Summer felt freeing as a child. Free from school. Free from the strict schedule. Free from the monotony of the routine as we vacationed to fun places. I loved summer and all the fun it brought.
Yet as a stay at home mom summer has taken on a completely different meaning. The, “YEA! No schedule!” has turned into “OH CRAP! No schedule!”. My schedule is gone and with that means my scheduled BREAKS are gone! So instead of feeling happy freedom as summer approaches I have been feeling anxiety and dread. Can you relate?
So I try to plan a few things, like vacations and camps for the kids. But this week was to be my only scheduled break. The two older boys were to be in VBS every morning and I would only have the baby. I was so looking forward to this time and was going to use it to recoup and rest a bit before having to figure out what to do with the three boys for 3 weeks before we head out of town. But then IT hit. And by IT I mean Hand Foot and Mouth Disease. If you don’t know what that is just know that it is HIGHLY contagious and you have to quarantine the kid for about 7 days. And usually as one kid starts to get better the other child gets it and you are stuck home for another 7 days. Needless to say my week did not pan out as I had hoped.
This week that I had been looking forward to for so long was now filled with figuring out logistics of keeping the boys from sharing germs, getting the oldest to his swim and VBS camp while keeping the other two at home, and dealing with a very bored 3 and a half year old and baby
SO when I tell you I kinda of lost it this week I hope you can understand why. I am drained. I have nothing left and frankly I am angry. Yes I am feeling sorry for myself. I wish I didn’t but there it is. There are those times when I can put on my big girl pants and move forward but this week was just not one of those times. I couldn’t get past my own self pity. My head feels cloudy, I am making poor choices in parenting, eating and everything else. Can you feel me mamas?
Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
But hope is there. God sees my affliction. It may seem trivial compared to so many other afflictions people face yet He still beckons me to come. If He is a God who sees Hagar (Genesis 16) in her misery than He can certainly see me. He knows my exhaustion. He knows my self pity. He knows my burdens and anger and every other affliction and sin I have. His love and forgiveness never ends and are never held back. He is steadfast. I long to have a steadfast spirit that doesn’t waver when the storms come. Yet I know God will restore me to His joy and peace when I come to Him with a humble heart. I lose that joy and peace so quickly when I take my eyes off of Him. I can’t sustain joyfulness on my own. I have to return to the well that never runs dry to quench my parched and drained spirit.
Create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit…restore to me the joy of your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit.
This morning I was given a gift. The gift of an uninterrupted hour or two where I could return to the well. So I came, I drank, I filled up as much as I could in hopes it will last me until I can make it back.
I pray you can make it to the well yourself as you enter into summer.