My eyes slowly opened as I heard a voice from the other room yelling, “MAMA! I done sleeping!” It was 6:30am and I had just fallen back to sleep from being up most of the night either with the baby or my toddler who decided he was all of a sudden scared of the sprinklers outside. This was the second night in a row of poor sleep for me and I turned to my husband and said, “I don’t want to parent today.”
I have never uttered those words before but I had reached my limit. I had been going through the motions for too long making sure the kids were fed, clothed, changed and pretty much didn’t kill themselves. I hadn’t even realized I had been in survival mode and it had taken its toll.
It’s times like this when I do a self check in. I ask myself 3 questions:
- When was the last time I had alone time?
- When was my last uninterrupted quiet time with God?
- When was my last date with my husband?
If I am asking myself these questions you can be sure the answer is more than 2 to 3 weeks for all of them. Thus begins the process, once again, of coming back to being present in the Spirit through quiet times in the Word, giving myself grace to do something I want that is not just about “getting stuff done,” and connecting with my husband.
It’s hard to do these check ins and even harder to realize this is a cycle I go through over and over again. I feel like the Israelites in the Old Testament sometimes. They forget God’s promises and blessings, fall into sin and a Worldly focus, usually get conquered by some nation, repent, call out to God for help, and come back into fellowship with the Lord.
Oh precious Lord, help me to break this cycle and remain in your presence always. When I lose my joy help me to call on you first, the creator of joy and peace.
Do you find yourself in a similar pattern?