It’s been awhile since I’ve written a personal post and believe me I’ve had good reason. We found out we were expecting our third baby at the end of May and to say it caught us by surprise is a bit of an understatement.
My first son took three years to conceive and during that time we lost our first baby at 8 weeks, which we found out later was probably due to low progesterone. It was about a year after that we turned to fertility drugs and conceived with the help of Clomid. Little Man’s pregnancy was riddled with difficulty including Placenta Previa and an episode of bleeding and bed rest. My back pain was so great I could only sit upright for 30 minutes at a time. Thankfully he came into this world healthy and happy.
After a while of unsuccessful attempts with baby #2 we turned to Clomid once again and conceived right before Little Man’s second birthday. I was so elated that besides nausea that first trimester it was a fairly easy pregnancy and a quick birth (only THREE HOURS!).
Although I have always been open to three children John and I were pretty much on the done train. We both felt our family was complete and was looking forward to the next phase in life. We had even talked about finally getting that wine weekend away for our 11th anniversary in October.
When that little stick gave us two lines we both were so shocked I think we laughed out of terror and unbelief. We weren’t even trying! How could this happen!? As the questions circulated in my head I kept coming back to one statement, “I guess when you cut out all processed food, eat real whole foods and exercise your body heals itself!” Since March I had been on a mission to get healthy and have written posts on my journey with The Whole30 and Paleo eating. I had lost all the baby weight and felt the best I had in my life. I had cut out ALL synthetic man made food, vitamins and everything I consumed in favor of more natural alternatives. My hormones had finally leveled out for the first time in years and the results were so amazing I vowed never to go back.
Finding out I was pregnant after JUST getting my body back threw me into a 2 week depression. After I came to acceptance is when the nausea reared its ugly head. The only thing my body could handle was dairy and carbs (two things I had avoided for 3 months). I felt sick if I didn’t eat and sick after I did. Life just plain sucked for about 5 weeks. Thankfully the nausea has subsided and I can now say I am excited about this new life inside me.
It’s been a rough summer emotionally, physically and especially spiritually. I have felt in a spiritual desert, of my own making I’m sure. My patience, attitude, grace for myself and others has been at zero. The constant realization that I can’t make myself be the person I long to be reminds me of how badly I need the Lord. I need His strength, His joy, His peace because I have none on my own. Even though I may not “feel” God I am trying to remember the many times He has been so faithful in my life. Working things for His purpose, His glory. So I cling to that and trust my Savior to bring me through when I’m tired and cranky and not always in the mood to listen to His leading.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Did you ever have a surprise pregnancy? How did it make you feel?