It’s been a nice blogging break after the birth of Munchkin but I am ready to re-enter the land of the living.
I ain’t gonna lie this has been a tough transition, one I am still working through. Three kids is NO JOKE! I had no idea how much three kids would knock me on my butt. Figuring out how to organize my life with three kids with very different needs is quite challenging.
The first five weeks were the worst. Those postpartum hormones always get me but this time was the worst it’s ever been. I knew I had issues with this in past pregnancies so I decided to encapsulate my placenta in hopes it would help with the hormones and mood swings as my body regulated itself post delivery. For those who don’t know much about placenta encapsulation it’s the practice of ingesting the placenta after it has been steamed, dehydrated, ground, and placed into pills. It’s believed to impart numerous health benefits including helping with postpartum depression. Read more about it here.
Although the pills certainly did take the edge off they weren’t enough to fully level me out as I had hoped. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression at around 6 weeks postpartum and began seeking help. There’s a lot of stigma associated with PPD and frankly I am hesitant to even write this. Admitting that I couldn’t do life anymore is not just humbling but humiliating as well. For those who understand depression you know it’s not something where you can just suck it up and push through. It can be debilitating, and in my case the mom guilt that I was having a hard time bonding with my baby was like a weight that never left. It also didn’t help that Munckin is not an easy baby either. It’s not that he cried all the time or anything but he just never stayed happy for long. The epitome of a high maintenance baby.
Thankfully during these dark weeks I had so many friends reach out and offer help. Whether it be a meal, a personal story of their own struggle, or a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. It was wonderful to see how God used each of these people at just the right time to bless me and pull me from the pit.
Through a lovely therapist and great friends and family support I am feeling much better. Munchkin is nearly 3 months old now and smiling a lot (mostly at mama ; ). I am not saying that everything is perfect. I still have hard days but the good outweighs the bad now. I see light instead of darkness and mostly I have begun re-claiming my life through diet, organization, and better parenting (more on all those later). But most of all I can see God’s faithfulness through it all. Even when I was so angry at Him and crying out to him with my questions of WHY? He never left my side.
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”